“Loving Yourself Last”

I have been thinking about a lot of things we have turned into life slogans. We quote some of these as if they were scripture and I am afraid we may believe they are sometimes. I have heard one over and over the last few months and it just didn’t set right with me. “You must love yourself before you can love others”. I am pretty sure I have even said it before too. I figured I would do the same thing I have been doing and see what the Bible said about this. The Bible is the Word of God and all things should be held up to it’s truth. Everything! This was extremely fun and has changed my life.

First thing is that “love” in the Bible is an action! “little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth” 1 John 3:18. Yes, you feel loved, but only when someone actively and truly loves you. Feelings and emotions are necessary, but can be dangerous when not based in the truth. When truly loved thru actions we should be compelled to actively return that love. We can’t just love thru emotions. Therefore we can not love ourselves unless we do things to make ourselves happy. This is a really bad idea! I will save it for last. The Bible has 697 verses that reference the word “love” or a form of the word using the NIV translation. After reading all of them there are 5 things repeated about love. How God loves us, how we are to love him, how we stay in his love, how we are to love others and finally about loving ourselves. They are repeated because we do not listen! I do not believe we can truly understand love until we allow God to love us first. “we love because he first loved us” 1 John 4:19.

How does God love us? He sent his son Jesus to save and teach us the greatest expression of love possible by giving his life for our sins. John 3:16. He only loves with actions. He shows, sent, leads, makes, speaks, listens, teaches, saves, etc. How is his described: unfailing, faithful, protecting, saving, delivering, merciful, keeps promises, compassionate, slow to anger, forgiving, just, blesses in number, blesses in needed things, provides, gives real life, instructs, gives rest, shields, peace, renews, restores life, sustains, can’t take away, eternal, endures, waters his earth, great, remembers us, conquers, preserves, Christ’s death, sincere, hates evil, does not harm, purity, understanding, patience, kindness, listens, power, wide, long, high, deep, humble, gentle, speaks the truth, undying, joy, encourages the heart, united, respects, quiets, more delightful than wine, kept and everlasting. I am sure I missed a couple, but this is a pretty awesome example, agreed? Once we feel this love, I believe this is the love we always expect.

How are we asked to love God? Love him first! “whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, whoever loves son or daughter more then me is not worthy of me” Matthew 10:37. Then he asks us to love him with all we got! Our heart, soul, life, strength, mind, understanding and maybe the most important and toughest, as a child. A child loves his father instinctively and unconditionally. Even when an earthly father may be undeserving from time to time, a child just can’t help loving him and knows they need it back. Our heavenly father is always deserving and always gives back.

How are we asked to stay in his love? His is better to stay in so listen up here! By obeying him! Following his commandments, laws, decrees, requirements, listen, act justly, love mercy, walk in his ways, follow his statutes, be glad, rejoice, sing, love Jesus, believe in him and don’t be a stumbling block. That is a really small list when you realize it says obey and rejoice about doing it. You have to read his Word to do this. It is that simple. When we mess up it does not mean he stops loving, but we have broken fellowship with our disobedience or attitude. We should not desire this ever and better not stay there long. Don’t hide as Adam and Eve did and hope it goes away. I have tried that and it doesn’t work. Don’t be stubborn. Being out of his love will eventually bring his loving discipline. I have tried this route also and pray you don’t. Tell him you are sorry and mean it. Much less painful to apologize than to have him always after us.

Our most important command is “love”. “and now these remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love” 1 Corinthians 13:13. “and he has given us this command: whoever loves God must also love his brother” 1 John 5:15. The most repeated verse about love is about loving each other. Most of the time it simply explains it, “as yourselves”. We always want and expect the best for ourselves! If we have felt God’s love we know it is the best. Give his out all the time! “be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves” Romans 12:10. God was so devoted to us he sent Jesus! Loving the least of his people is emphasized also. Widows, poor, sick, orphans, etc. They can’t give much back so it is more like Jesus loved. Selfless love. Most of his miracles were for these people. Shows the power of true love.

Now finally it does speak of loving yourself. I left it last for a reason. It only leads to death, destruction, poverty, shame, etc. Now listen! Paul writes to Timothy as a warning. “but understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasures rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of Godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. 2 Timothy 3:1-5. Doesn’t seem we should ever love ourselves, but sounds a little too familiar at the same time.

Other great things about love:

Matthew 24:12 increase in wickedness, love of most grows cold
Luke 6:27 love your enemies, do good to those who hate you
Luke 6:32 easy love is worthless
Luke 6:35 love and expect nothing back
Luke 7:47 greater forgiveness leads to greater love
John 15:13 no greater love than giving your life for a friend
John 15:19 love God and the world will hate you
Romans 12:9 love must be sincere
1 Corinthians 4:21 shall I come with the rod, or in love and gentle spirit
1 Corinthians 16:14 do everything in love
2 Corinthians 2:4 will sometimes break you down
2 Corinthians 9:7 God loves a cheerful giver
Galatians 5:9 only thing than counts is faith expressing itself thru love
Galatians 5:22 one of the fruits of the spirit
1 Thessalonians 4:9 we don’t need to be told God taught us
1 Thessalonians 4:10 love should grow
Hebrews 12:6 God disciplines those he loves
James 1:12 persevering under trails is the test of love
1 John 4:18 no fear in love, perfect love cast out fear
Revelations 3:19 whom he loves he rebukes so be quick to repent
Revelations 20:9 he protects whom he loves

Now I didn’t get anything like “love yourself first” from any of this. It may be a play on words for some or maybe they didn’t think about it before they said it. I have said it before too. It just finally started sounding painful to hear. So I figured I would check and see what God thought about it. Sad thing was I already knew because I had already tried all the ones on the bad list. I am going to try it like Jesus now. He is our example and yes he is our target.

Hey, I don’t know why we are so bad at this one, but God loves us. We love him back and everyone else, we stay last, and I just promise it is worth letting go of our self love. Everyone wants “to feel” loved. It is a reaction to “being touched” though. Ask and allow God to touch and change your heart and keep him there by obeying him and loving it. You won’t be able to keep from loving differently. You will get it back different also.

Last thing, Romans 8 promises that nothing can stop God from loving us. WE can mess it up for a bit, but nothing can stop it! There is comfort and power in this part of love!

I love you all and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it!

BEZ